Understand Instead Of Criticizing When Fault Comes

Photo by Ginnerobot

What do you usually do when a subordinate, employee or your own children made a mistake?

Do you get angry outright and criticize them? If you do, how do they usually respond? Do they just nod and say they are sorry? Or do they defend and try to justify what they did?

More often than not, people responded by defending themselves and their actions. They try to justify what they did and would portray themselves as victims as well, instead of accepting your criticism and being sorry for their mistake.

Just look at what Sen. Bong Revilla, Jr. is doing right now. He is portraying himself a victim here instead of apologizing for his wrong doings. He says that he is just a scapegoat to be able to cover up the real issue here.

Friends, what he is doing is actually what most normal person (those who are not considered criminals) would do. Most people don't like to be criticized or attacked, even if they are at fault. They tend to respond by defending themselves instead of being sorry.

Why? Because it's part of human nature. We always assume that we are dealing with a logical person when we criticize and condemn, believing that they understand what they did and what we are saying to them. However, human beings are more emotional than logical. It is mostly their emotions that will dictate how they would react, especially to people who criticize and attack them. That's why most people would resort to defending themselves than just accepting your criticism and feeling sorry for their fault.

So what then should you do?

Instead of criticizing and attacking your subordinate, employee, children, etc. every time they make a mistake, understand them. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand why they did what they did. 

Why did your subordinate or employee forgot to proof read their documents before sending? Where they working on it all night and was just too tired to even notice it?

Or why is your kid seeking attention from you? Are you working too much that you've kind of neglected your kid?

Trying to understand why they did what they did will help you better deal with the mistake or fault that they commit. You will have an idea of the reason why it happened and will then be able to deal it with, without the need to criticize and attack.

Mistakes will happen. No matter how you hard you try to avoid it, it happens. It's how you deal with them that makes a difference. It's easy to criticize and attack as we are also just overcome with our own emotion. But criticizing and attacking the person who made the mistake won't do much good. Because he/she will also be overcome with emotion and will just resort to defending himself/herself. Worse, the person will just resent you.

The best way to deal with a mistake is to first try to understand why it happened and be patient. Then instead of criticizing and attacking, just talk to the person calmly or just forgive outright and just give the person a chance to redeem himself/herself.