The Power Of Understanding

Photo by © Tetra Images

I'd just like to expound more on my previous post about choosing the battles that you fight in (click here to read the post again). Anyway the post involved a list of battles that you should avoid and the last battle to be avoided is a battle with people who misunderstood you.

I believe this topic requires longer discussion and that's what this post is all about.

I mentioned in that list that I believe misunderstanding is one of the primary reason for a lot of arguments in this world. More often than not, people don't support or agree with something they don't completely understand. And instead of trying to understand the opposing view, most people tend to give out reasons and justify why they don't support or agree with it. This often leads to arguments, debate and sometimes, even war.

Most people will protect and defend something they strongly believe in, especially if it is being attacked.

Have you witnessed a meeting where there are two choices that needs to be made but it hasn't been made yet because not everyone agrees on what choice to be made?

Well my girlfriend have been a witness to that kind of meeting countless of times and she said that they usually spend a lot of time for each side to try and justify why their choice is better than the other. Most of the time of course, nothing gets resolved at the end of the meeting so they either have to talk about it again in the next meeting or try and resolve it outside of the meeting.

You know why most of the time nothing gets resolved? It's because no one is listening. The two sides are too preoccupied in trying to come up with a rebuttal to each others arguments that they don't get to really listen to what each side is trying to say. They don't see the good points that the other side is presenting because they are too busy trying to present their own side's good points.

Everyone is too busy talking, that's why no one is listening. That's also why no one is able to understand. 

So what should be done?

Well it's easy to say that there should just be a mediator who will do all of the listening and understanding part. But I believe that not everything can be resolved by having a mediator, because you still need to understand the other side for you to agree.

So the best way to avoid misunderstanding is to be the understanding one. Now before you go berserk and say that it isn't fair on your part to be the understanding one and give way, let me explain first. The reason why you should be the understanding one is because you have control of your emotions, thoughts and actions. 

Basically you control yourself. You can do something about it. You can control yourself to listen and understand. You can't control the other person to do that, that's impossible. So it has to start with you because that's what you can control. And once you begin to understand, the other person will follow suit. Why? It's because you won't be arguing with him/her anymore, so there's no reason to drive home a point or force their view unto you.

Since you'd be listening and understanding what they have to say, their defensive wall that is ready to come up with a rebuttal to any kind of argument you'd throw, would come down. And that would make them also open to listening and understanding what you have to say.

Once you're both able to see and understand the other's side and point of view, you'll be able to come up with a better option that you'll both agree on.

It's easy and very tempting to get into an argument with someone who disagree's with our point of view. But this usually leads to more conflict and arguments. Instead, try to listen and understand where they are coming from. This will open a more productive discussion that will yield a better option for both parties involved.

Remember to always listen and understand. This will avoid you a lot of arguments and conflicts with people.

Not All Battles Should Be Fought

Photo by Nils Hendrik Mueller

In your life, you'd come across people who disagree with you, who wants to destroy you, harm you, steal from you and so on.  That's just part of life. No matter what you do, you won't be able to please everybody. It's not unusual for you to make enemies along the way, especially if you're succeeding.

I know it will be hard not to get into with them, especially if they get personal with their attack on you. But before you give in to the temptation of arguing defending yourself, you should carefully choose first the battle that you'll fight in. Because not all battles should be fought. There are certain battles that no matter if you win or lose, you'd still end up losing in the end.

But which battle should you avoid fighting in? Bro. Bo Sanchez shared a list of people that you shouldn't fight and why you shouldn't fight them in one of his WealthStrategies. I'd like to share that list with you and also add some of my own:

1. Don't fight people who are envious of you - As you become successful in life, a lot of people will become envious of you. And most of them, unfortunately, will be your ex-friends who will criticize you because you're richer than them. It won't matter if you worked hard for it, to them you're the enemy because you are rich. You are not one of them anymore. The hate here is fueled by envy and the only way they won't hate you anymore is if they are not envious of you. So it's really a lose-lose situation for you. Because no matter what you say, how much you defend yourself, you're still the enemy as long as you are rich and they are not.
2. Don't fight people who don't repay debts - This is another lose-lose situation for you. There are people who will borrow money from you but won't pay you back. You'd just be wasting your time and energy if you go into battle with them. Because, more often than not, they don't have the money to pay you back. No matter how much you argue with them, if they don't have the money, they don't have the money. Instead of straining your voice and relationship fighting them, just don't lend anymore money. If you really want to help them, just give them money and that's it.
3. Don't fight people who do harm to you when you are bitter - Bro. Bo's original list here is to not fight people who steal from you. But I want to make it more general by saying not to fight people who harm you, because the message applies here. It's easy to get angry and bitter at people who do any kind of harm to you, either they steal from you, hurt you, and so on. But you wouldn't want to carry the poison of bitterness within you, it won't do you any good. Instead of becoming bitter, forgive the person, then you can fire or even file a case against the person. But don't do it because of bitterness, do it because you want to teach the person a lesson out of concern. Being bitter doesn't really do anyone any good. But if you're concerned, you show care and love to the person, which would have a more positive impact.
4. Don't fight people who block your dreams - A lot of people would oppose your dream because they have no idea what you are doing. It's tempting to argue and debate with them and show them that what you're trying to accomplish is a good thing. Believe me it's pointless to do that. Arguing or debating is not a good way to make a person see your point of view. Instead, befriend them, invite them for lunch or coffee, be nice to them and so on. If you befriend them, they would be more inclined to listen and try to see what you're trying to do. It's easier to see something in a more pleasant and appealing environment, than when in an argument and conflicting environment.
5. Don't fight people who misunderstand you - I'd like to add this to the list of battles that you should avoid. I believe that misunderstanding is one of the primary reason for a lot of arguments. But fighting and arguing is a very bad way to make people understand something. People are more inclined to defend their point of view instead of listening to what you're trying to say in an argument. Instead of  arguing, try to understand them first. Look through their point of view and see where they are coming from. Doing so, will show that you listen to them, acknowledge their stance and understand where they are coming from. Once they see that, they are more inclined to do the same. Look at your point of view and try to understand where you are coming from.

It's easy and tempting to fight and argue with people who disagree and attack us. But not all battles are worth fighting for. You should choose carefully what battle that you're going to get into. Remember not everything can be resolved through fighting. More often, conflicts can be resolved without the need to fight.

Success Doesn't Come Easy

Photo by Jamie Grill

A lot of time, people are always looking for the easy way out.

The easiest way to promotion, the easiest way to finish a project, the easiest way to success and so on.

Of course that is not unusual. After all, who in their right mind would want to experience any hardship? Even if a great reward is the end product of that hardship, most people would still prefer for things to come easy instead of hard.

But that's not how life works. Hardships and challenges are part of life and I believe they are there to help us grow and develop. It is through these hardships and challenges where we learn the most. Why do you think most people strive to get better? It's because they are struggling at their current level. So they need to get better so they won't struggle anymore.

Just imagine if things were made easy for everyone. Human beings probably wouldn't have achieved much of what we achieved today. Because things are easy, there's no need for us to keep on growing, to keep on getting better. There are no obstacles or struggle that we need to overcome, so why bother to get better?

Successful people know this. That's why they are don't flinch when an obstacle or challenge comes their way. Instead of folding, they strive to get better to be able to overcome it. It is in overcoming these hardships and challenges that people achieve the most.

Just look at the successful people in the world today. If you read their biographies, you can see that they faced a lot of hardships and challenges in their lives. But instead of running away and looking for the easy way out, they faced it, they attacked it and they got better in the process. Until eventually they are able to overcome it.

They are considered great and successful because they are able to overcome challenges in life. They don't give up easily and are willing to do what is necessary to overcome them.

The next time you find yourself faced with an obstacle, don't just look for the easy way out. Remember the challenge in front of you is a call for you to grow and get better. Once you're able to overcome it, you are closer to achieving the success that you want.

The Importance Of Doing Nothing

Photo by Meeke

Are you always so consumed with your work or business?

Rushing from one meeting to another and finishing deadlines left and right? Or attending company events every night?

I'm sure your pretty much stressed out and very fatigued by now.

Friends, it's time you stop, take a break, relax for a while and just do nothing. Not only will this refresh, re-energize and rejuvenate you, but it will also help you think and come up with new ideas that can improve your work or business or ideas for a new business or project .

Once in a while it's important that you do nothing at all, especially if you're the boss or you want to be the boss. Why? Because, it's when you relax, enjoy and just simply do nothing, that good ideas come to you. Ideas that you might not have seen or thought of because of your very hectic and heavy schedule. 

Have you seen the movie The Internship? It's a movie that is starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, two salesman who find themselves in a very competitive internship at Google after their careers are made obsolete by the digital age. Vince and Owen were teamed with four other people (Josh Brener, Dylan O'Brien, Tobit Raphael and Tiya Sicar) and they have to compete with other teams in a series of tasks where the team with the highest points at the end of the competition gets hired by Google.

It's a nice feel good movie that you should watch.

Anyway there's a scene there that best illustrates the importance of doing nothing. One of their task was to come up with a Google App that they need to make available online. The App with the highest number of downloads wins the task.

Their four teammates were busy brainstorming on what kind of App to create. Since they are not that knowledgeable in the digital age, Vince and Owen were not much help to their teammates (they were actually more of a distraction at first). The team was getting nowhere, while their biggest rival (the leader of their rival team is played by Aasif Mandvi) is already getting high numbers of download from their App. 

Owen and Vince then convinced their teammates that they should just lighten up and enjoy for a while. The App that they need will eventually come to them. Their teammates reluctantly agreed and they all went to a strip club. There they partied, got drunk and just basically enjoyed themselves. They even got into a fight and was thrown out of the club. Before going back to Google headquarters, they went into a spot where they got a good view of the Golden Gate Bridge. 

Then one of their teammates (Josh), wanted to send a picture to a girl he liked in the club. But the picture is an indecent one, so his teammates was telling him that he is drunk and he should not send it. And to prove he was drunk, Vince asked a question where Josh was able to answer it with ease. They asked a more difficult question where he was unsure of the answer. And it was in that moment that Owen was able to come up with the idea for their App. They would make a Quiz App, where the people need to answer a series of questions first as proof they are not drunk before they send out anything through their mobile phone.

The App got a lot of download and they won the task.

The reason they came up with the App was because they were able to think clearly. Without the stress, tension and pressure of wanting to win, they were able to come up with a great idea that they might have overlooked had they not decided to just relax and enjoy.

It's important that we have a moment in our busy lives to just relax, enjoy and do nothing. Doing this will help sharpen and clear our mind, thus enabling us to come up with good ideas that can help improve our work or business or ideas for a new business or project.