The Power Of Understanding

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I'd just like to expound more on my previous post about choosing the battles that you fight in (click here to read the post again). Anyway the post involved a list of battles that you should avoid and the last battle to be avoided is a battle with people who misunderstood you.

I believe this topic requires longer discussion and that's what this post is all about.

I mentioned in that list that I believe misunderstanding is one of the primary reason for a lot of arguments in this world. More often than not, people don't support or agree with something they don't completely understand. And instead of trying to understand the opposing view, most people tend to give out reasons and justify why they don't support or agree with it. This often leads to arguments, debate and sometimes, even war.

Most people will protect and defend something they strongly believe in, especially if it is being attacked.

Have you witnessed a meeting where there are two choices that needs to be made but it hasn't been made yet because not everyone agrees on what choice to be made?

Well my girlfriend have been a witness to that kind of meeting countless of times and she said that they usually spend a lot of time for each side to try and justify why their choice is better than the other. Most of the time of course, nothing gets resolved at the end of the meeting so they either have to talk about it again in the next meeting or try and resolve it outside of the meeting.

You know why most of the time nothing gets resolved? It's because no one is listening. The two sides are too preoccupied in trying to come up with a rebuttal to each others arguments that they don't get to really listen to what each side is trying to say. They don't see the good points that the other side is presenting because they are too busy trying to present their own side's good points.

Everyone is too busy talking, that's why no one is listening. That's also why no one is able to understand. 

So what should be done?

Well it's easy to say that there should just be a mediator who will do all of the listening and understanding part. But I believe that not everything can be resolved by having a mediator, because you still need to understand the other side for you to agree.

So the best way to avoid misunderstanding is to be the understanding one. Now before you go berserk and say that it isn't fair on your part to be the understanding one and give way, let me explain first. The reason why you should be the understanding one is because you have control of your emotions, thoughts and actions. 

Basically you control yourself. You can do something about it. You can control yourself to listen and understand. You can't control the other person to do that, that's impossible. So it has to start with you because that's what you can control. And once you begin to understand, the other person will follow suit. Why? It's because you won't be arguing with him/her anymore, so there's no reason to drive home a point or force their view unto you.

Since you'd be listening and understanding what they have to say, their defensive wall that is ready to come up with a rebuttal to any kind of argument you'd throw, would come down. And that would make them also open to listening and understanding what you have to say.

Once you're both able to see and understand the other's side and point of view, you'll be able to come up with a better option that you'll both agree on.

It's easy and very tempting to get into an argument with someone who disagree's with our point of view. But this usually leads to more conflict and arguments. Instead, try to listen and understand where they are coming from. This will open a more productive discussion that will yield a better option for both parties involved.

Remember to always listen and understand. This will avoid you a lot of arguments and conflicts with people.